Passing : Jack Frost IV (aka LoCash)

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I just found out tonight that Jack Frost died this past Saturday. Even though he lived and worked in Atlanta I never met Jack in person – I only knew him as “LoCash” on an Apple computer fanboy messageboard where he participated as an administrator. Jack was a graphic designer, a web designer and a prankster extraordinaire. The funniest thing he did lately was to share the transcript of an instant message conversation he had with one of his friends about the movie ‘Congo’. I’m copying Jack’s story from AppleNova.com in honor of his mischevious memory and a totally awesome story he wove about killer alien engineered ape/laser hybrid monsters.

  • Taft: dude. congo. were the apes robots?
  • Taft: I actually need to know this for homework
  • LoCash: no, the apes were not robots. why?
  • Taft: my astronomy class is ridiculous
  • Taft: I have to do this shit to graduate
  • Taft: one sec let me paste the Q
  • Taft: 5. Pick a movie that you have seen that had alien or artificial life in it. With what you now know, analyze the life presented in the movie and determine if it is plausible or not (for the alien life) or if it is really life or not (for the artificial life). For an example, look at p. 72 in the book, where they analyze the Andromeda Strain. If you decide to do the Andromeda Strain for your movie, you can not use the answer that was given in the book.
  • Taft: i mean, come on. I wanted to do Congo. Because I thought they were robotic apes
  • LoCash: Why would you possibly think that?
  • Taft: fuck you
  • LoCash: Really, the movie was gay… but robot apes?
  • Taft: stfu
  • LoCash: Let me ask you some questions briefly
  • LoCash: 1) How do you figure robot apes got into the congo and sustained themselves?
  • Taft: diamonds
  • LoCash: 2) Who the fuck would make a robot ape?
  • Taft: aliens
  • LoCash: Ok, you know that movie was about them going to get diamonds, not robot apes…
  • LoCash: Not even Amie was a robot, she just wore a glove that would translate her sign language into English words
  • Taft: dude, I’m sort of scared at your memory of this movie
  • LoCash: I’m sort of scared of your memory of it too.
  • Taft: i like it better with robot apes
  • LoCash: Well, hang on, I just looked it up on the DVD. I guess you ARE kind of right…
  • Taft: ?
  • LoCash: They were part robot
  • Taft: omg they were PART robot?
  • LoCash: yeah
  • Taft: wtf. Did they engineer themselves that way?
  • LoCash: No, supposedly aliens did.
  • Taft: ohhh, really?
  • Taft: or are you making this up?
  • LoCash: Dude, I have the DVD right here
  • LoCash: if I had a scanner I’d scan it in
  • Taft: oh man, this is good then
  • Taft: I need to know a few thigns
  • Taft: first
  • Taft: was it that the aliens engineered the apes, and then left them alone?
  • Taft: and they reproduced themselves?
  • LoCash: The aliens were there for the diamonds
  • LoCash: and they engineered the apes to help them
  • LoCash: But something went wrong
  • LoCash: that’s why the local tribes are so scared of them
  • LoCash: Because they are alien
  • LoCash: I don’t know that they reproduced, I don’t think they were there long enough
  • LoCash: But the movie never had any baby apes
  • Taft: hmmm
  • Taft: let’s assume that it was a while ago
  • Taft: and that the apes did reproduce
  • Taft: can we assume that?
  • LoCash: hmm. ok.
  • LoCash: You want to know if they COULD reproduce? Hypothetically?
  • Taft: yes
  • LoCash: Yes. It was indicated that the implants genetically modified the apes
  • LoCash: But I don’t think the implants would have been on the offspring
  • LoCash: but the offspring probably would have had the same strength and intelligence
  • LoCash: the strength boost was a big thing
  • Taft: ok
  • Taft: did they grow and develop?
  • Taft: or were they static?
  • Taft: ie did they have life stages?
  • LoCash: I assume they aged.
  • Taft: was there one who was older and/or wiser or bigger?
  • LoCash: Well, the movie didn’t cover their entire lifespan
  • Taft: well ok
  • LoCash: But hypothetically
  • Taft: but were there any that were different from the others?
  • LoCash: There was an alpha
  • LoCash: but there always is
  • Taft: yes well okay
  • Taft: that works
  • LoCash: he was bigger and stronger
  • Taft: hell that’s natural selection in progress
  • LoCash: Yeah, I guess so.
  • LoCash: how many other questions you have to answer?
  • LoCash: what are the others?
  • Taft: did they have laser guns?
  • Taft: I have to analyse it on six characteristics
  • Taft: Order, reproduction, growth/development, energy utilization, response to environment, and evolutionary adaptation
  • Taft: if I can say “yes” to all six, it’s alive
  • LoCash: yes, they did
  • LoCash: those were the implants
  • LoCash: originally designed to help mine the diamonds
  • Taft: ok
  • Taft: were the diamonds a source of energy?
  • Taft: did that power the apes?
  • LoCash: No, they did power the laser though
  • Taft: or were they powered by fury?
  • Taft: did the apes eat?
  • LoCash: Well, they did eat one of the people
  • LoCash: Well, I don’t know if they feasted on him
  • LoCash: but they did kill him
  • Taft: but they ate him?
  • LoCash: Well, they ate off his leg and arms
  • Taft: for sure?
  • LoCash: gnawed on it
  • LoCash: yeah
  • Taft: k cool
  • Taft: that’s eating
  • Taft: energy utlizaton
  • LoCash: cool
  • Taft: who was it they ate?
  • LoCash: one of the members of the archaeology team
  • LoCash: I don’t remember which guy
  • Taft: k
  • LoCash: Some of them were killed by the lasers too
  • LoCash: Amie never died though
  • LoCash: she helped her handler get out alive
  • Taft: I need evolution and growth/development
  • Taft: I can mention the alpha as natural selection
  • LoCash: hmm
  • LoCash: ask a question
  • Taft: one left
  • Taft: growth and development
  • Taft: Did they exhibit that at all? How can I say it?
  • LoCash: Well
  • LoCash: They clearly grew stronger to overtake the beings that engineered them
  • LoCash: use that
  • Taft: were there no baby apes or old apes?
  • Taft: or had they modified themselves in any way?
  • LoCash: There were old ones
  • LoCash: the alpha was clearly older
  • A bit later Taft came back to the table with his “paper” written about a movie he’d never seen….

  • Taft: 5. Perhaps against our wills, many of us have seen the movie Congo. In this film, a genetically and robotically modified species of ferocious man-killing ape beasts defends a diamond mine in Africa from a band of explorers and a talking gorilla named Amie. The partially robotic apes were certainly ordered, having both genetic code and computer parts in their makeup. They could likely reproduce, as they were engineered for strength and intelligence but not sterilized as far as the movie tells us.
  • Taft: The apes certainly responded to their environments, especially insofar as they needed to in order to viciously slay human beings with their laser guns. They utilized energy: at one point, the apes ate the limbs of one of the humans in the film. The apes had not been present long enough to undergo much natural selection and thus evolutionary adaptation, but the presence of an alpha male shows that they were differentiated according to differing traits which made certain apes more likely to reproduce than others.
  • Taft: This would have produced, over time, evolutionary adaptation. Finally, some of the apes were more mature than others, which shows that they exhibited growth and development. Exhibiting thus all six characteristics of life, the apes in Congo were alive.
  • Taft: I’m not too sure about the film’s writers, however.
  • Taft: get all that?
  • LoCash: I’m pretty sure nobody has ever written an analysis of the film that well.
  • Taft: and for good fucking reason

We’re gonna miss you Jack. Thanks for the funnies.

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