Underworld : Evolutions

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[rate 2]
Confusing vampire versus werewolf sequels be damned, pour me another rubber suit-full of Kate Beckinsale toute de suite! I’m giving this movie two fang marks out of five.

Did you see “Underworld”, the first installment of this series? If your answer is no then stop looking at show times and start looking for a video store because you’ll find this sequel worthless without the first movie fresh in your memory. There are exposition-leaping moments in this movie that all but require you to have flashcards in-hand to keep up with the plot, which as it turns out, isn’t all that complicated.

That isn’t to say that this is a bad sequel, it’s just that it might be more accurate to call it an epilogue to the first film. The special effects are good, but not the best… perhaps artfully interpreted? The acting is serviceable and the action is well done if not predictable, I mean, must every one of these types of movies end with a showdown in a large, partially submerged cavernous room with dozens of entrances leading in and out? Maybe so, but no matter.

The most important thing that I took away from this movie is that Kate Beckinsale looks super-fine in her vinyl/rubber bodysuit and that she gets extremely and artistically naked in a love scene borrowed from every ‘R’ rated movie from the late 1980’s. You almost see stuff too!

But alas, the film really was about machismo and stalking and stabbing and biting and crushing and spitting and strutting. My instincts tell me that this film is a stopgap between the original movie and a weekly series on cable television.

Tell the Nielson family that I’ll tune in if they can convince Kate to show up in her fine, fine bodysuit.

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