Text Messaging Intervention

Gargoyles of Notre Dame on Texting
Okay, okay, okay everybody. I get it. Seriously. I get it. It’s time for me to step up to the plate and admit that I have a problem. My phone sucks and I don’t know the rules of text messaging. But I’m not going down alone… you’re all equally to blame in this and if I’m taking the fall, I’m bringing all of you down with me.

Here’s the deal.

In 2003 I owned one of the hottest toys on the planet…. a sweet black and silver Sony Ericsson T-616 cellphone (part of their 610 series).

The Hi-Tech T-616

It had a real (albeit tiny) joystick, a sophisticated operating system and a full-color screen WAY bigger than any of my friends’ phones. This thing was so far ahead of the curve that only the dorkiest dorks in town owned one. Needless to say that no one in my circle of friends and work colleagues had a phone that could begin to match the things my phone could do.

I’m serious. This was a nifty bit of cellular overkill and I LOVED it.

The T-616 was a miniature computer. It had a camera and it used Bluetooth™ (the usefulness of which nobody seemed to comprehend regardless of how many hand gestures I used to explain the concept of controlling the refrigerator with my cellphone*). That little marvel could do SMS (simple text messages), MMS (styled text messages with images and video)… it was even capable of sending and receiving honest to goodness emails!!

This was back in 2003, people!!!
Back when Saddam was still in power, the Concorde was still in service, and New Hampshire’s Old Man of the Mountain wasn’t just on the quarter.

After playing around with the T-616 I was certain that “texting” would be my favorite feature, a certainty which lasted less than a month as that’s exactly how long it took me to realize that the rest of my friends’ phones were as useful as a duck on wheels and that frequent texting was as expensive as a trip to the Gold Room with a stripper, please, sir, don’t touch the boobs.

There I’d be, at a restaurant, on a date, waiting for the girl to return from the powder room. With a couple of glasses of wine in me and a mind for mischief I’d whip out my T-616 and type up a message to a couple of my friends and hit the “SEND” key.

The next day I would get an angry phone call or three.

Blisteringly livid Continue reading Text Messaging Intervention

Legendary Orange PEBL

Legendary Orange Motorola PEBLSeveral months ago I had a problem with my cellphone and had to jump through many hoops to get my problem resolved. Ultimately it was resolved to my satisfaction by a very nice representative of the company. However, so many of my friends enjoyed the letter to the company that I’ve decided to post it online for your amusement….

PLEASE help me,
I’m indescribably frustrated with your company at this moment.

Today I made a FOURTH attempt to obtain service from Motorola for a brand new cellular telephone that I purchased from your online store in April of this year. The phone is an orange PEBL and the problem is that the twin screens on the phone “die” on a daily basis forcing me to reboot the device. I understand that this is a typical issue with this device, however I did NOT know that the resolution of the problem would be so Continue reading Legendary Orange PEBL