David Gregory, Man or Monster?

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David Gregory Threatens to Annihilate Al and Meredith
Has anyone else noticed how big ‘Meet the Press’ host David Gregory has become lately? I’m not talking about “fat”, I’m talking about TALL. The man is enormous!! A 2003-2006 report from the Center for Disease Control reported [warning:PDF] that the average height of American citizens is five feet, four point three inches (5′-4.3″). Using a screen grab of this morning’s program (shown above) it’s obvious that Gregory towers over his co-hosts. If we assume that Al Roker and Meredith Vieira are average height (and not in fact taller, which is entirely possible) it’s short work with a slide rule to see that the man’s true height is pushing 8 feet.

Easily within reach of the adjectives: monstrous, horrific, terrifying, lurchlike.

Of course those terms are mean and impolite, which is why they’re utterly necessary… I think we’re facing a crisis, people!!

This entire height thing has been a revelation to me and I’ve started looking online to see if anyone else has noticed the hulking form of David Gregory lurching across their television screens. From what I can tell, there’s a growing consensus out there on the web that Gregory was not selected to succeed ‘Meet the Press’ host Tim Russert based on qualifications, but more on his ability to frighten his co-workers into giving him anything he wants, lest he crush their tiny heads between his massive paws with a bloodthirsty (yet boyishly goofy) howl.

I should well warn those of you out in the blogosphere who have described Gregory as “Grinch-faced” and “Clownish” that you might in fact be in physical danger, as there doesn’t look to be much that could stop this monster from running rampant over the general populace; from what I can tell, this guy is one short gamma-ray burst away from Godzilla-style havoc.

I myself have sworn off watching ‘Meet the Press’ until Gregory is captured and isolated on a remote island in the South Pacific, well away from normal trade routes and nuclear test sites. If you value your health, you should follow suit!! Every moment you waste might be your last!!

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