The Core

[rate 2]
I didn’t really want to see this movie because I knew that the magic movie science was going to annoy me; the Earth’s core has stopped rotating, it’s “engine has stalled”. Things are going haywire around the world: people with pacemakers are dying from electromagnetic pulses, pigeons are freaking out and flying into doubledecker buses in London, Space Shuttles aren’t coming down where they’re supposed to (what bad timing for life to imitate art) and the Northern Lights are headed south for vacation.

I’m giving it two trips to the center of the earth out of five.

If you skip past all the bad movie science and all the late 20th century stereotypical characters what do you have? A really average episode of Stargate SG-1, without the excuse of magical alien artifacts. For instance, there is no communications time lag between the bore machine and the command post positioned above the Marianas Trench. So they have a comm system that can go through solid rock? Seven MILES of solid rock? What about 1500 miles of molten rock? You bet, no static, no time lag. Perfect service. I sure wish that Cingular Wireless was that good, I can’t even drive through downtown Atlanta without my signal dropping three times.

And what about the material the ship’s hull is made of? The inventor calls it unobtainium…an inside joke amongst sci-fi writers and readers… unobtainium, get it? As in “you can’t obtain this stuff because it’s impossible to obtain”.

So, that’s a little wink from the writers of this movie to its geeky viewers.

How about when the crew get stranded inside of a geode two miles wide? With 30 foot tall ammethyst crystals as thick as carpet on the inside? Doesn’t that offend your scientific sensibilities? No? Then the “Cape Cod” sized diamonds wouldn’t phase you either. If none of these things bother you then I doubt that you’ll be surprised to learn that the boring vessel (pun intended) is designed like a train (a train with detachable boxcars). So, like, if the train was damaged in the middle, you’d be forced to eject a lot of perfectly good cars. This is the kind of technology that could only be designed by writers who skipped their physics class to make out in the parking lot with the girls from French class.

Oh yeah, I haven’t even mentioned the amazing nuclear powered engine for the borer yet, have I? How about the size of the hacker kid’s nose or the sexy-hot shower scene? (note: there isn’t one)

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