A few weeks ago I didn’t have anything to do and nobody was hanging around down at the Stick so I went downtown to Trogdor*Con to check out the babes. I was trying to drink a Cold One when this dude got all up in my face about standing in front of his booth. He was all, “Hey, Dumbledork, are you gonna, like, BUY something or are you just a stupid, like, guy or somethin’?” I looked down and there was this shirtless guy wearing a cool mask and typing something on a laptop computer… totally all DOS stuff too. It was weird. HE was weird. And he was selling stuff.
I wanted to enjoy my Cool One but I also hadn’t bought anything yet from the dealer’s room. I was thinking of buying a first edition copy of “Wonder Twins Activate : The Untold Story of Powerfully Gifted Twins in a Post-Vietnam Animation Farm : Blessing or a Curse : You Decide” but I didn’t have enough money, or I had too much pride, or I am allergic to colon-laden titles, I really couldn’t tell you right now.
But this guy, this little guy with the red mask and the boxing gloves (did I mention he was wearing boxing gloves?) kept haranguing me (that means he was, like, busting my chops or something). He was all, like: “Hey, so do you wear glasses because you are blind or because you are stupid also?” and “Hey, Poopsmith’s ugly sister, why don’t you, like, go get me some fishstick tacos and make yourself useful?”
At some point in there he stood up and kicked this little yellow thing down the aisle. It made a high-pitched squeal as it went. Some kind of toy or something. On his table were two pieces of notebook paper. The one on his right had the word “Makeouts” written on it and the one on the left simply said “High Fives”. I have NO idea what the heck it was all about.
As I was about to leave he stood up on his stool and yelled for me to come back. He sat back down, tipped his head to the side, stuck his tongue out a little bit and proceeded to autograph a photo of himself for me. After he handed me the autographed photo he handed me a Morissey CD and told me to run for the door. It was a good suggestion too because this freaky little guy dressed in grey chased me to the parking garage whining about something.
Trogdor*Con 2006? I think I’m going to stay home and burninate this autograph of that weird little guy with the mask and gloves.
